Empath #atozblogchallenge

I could give you the textbook definition of empath. But I would rather tell you how it feels to me.

Being an empath means feeling everything. It's like being an emotional sponge. I absorb energy and sometimes I don't even know where it's from. Some people talk about having a thick skin. But being in empath is like having translucent and porous skin. All of my feelings are right on the surface and very sensitive.

Sometimes, when friends confide or talk to me, I will carry those emotions with me for days. Sometimes, when people with strong personalities are part of my life, I feel muted. It's not necessarily that the other personality is "too much", it's more that my personality feels blanketed. I don't think people with strong personalities should feel like they have to cloak their personalities.  But I know that for me, I have not learned to put my shields up when I'm interacting with these kinds of personalities.

When I feel overwhelmed by another personality, it feels a bit like drowning in someone else's energy and I am guilty of pulling away. A lot of times that is misunderstood. Something I'm learning to do is to not get drawn in to others sensitivities at the risk of my own peace.

As an empathic person, I can be a wonderful listener, but I feel like a terrible friend. As an empathic person, I am sensitive and nurturing but I can be cold and distant. As an empathic person, I can become completely consumed by someone one minute and repulsed the next. It's not usually anything yet a person is done. Like a sponge, I reach a saturation point. And when I don't squeeze out the excess energy, I just drown.

Being empathic means feeling like you are never reacting to your own emotions. Empaths have to learn to put their shields up. They have to learn to squeeze out other people’s excess. They have to learn when to close out the world. I'm not very good at communicating when I begin shutting down. And it has happened to everyone who loves me. Everyone. I'm only just now beginning to recognize the patterns in my life and how they are directly related to my empathic sensitivities.

As an empathic person, I can be the best and the worst. It is such a paradox. It is very difficult to understand. Sometimes it's very difficult to love. I'm beginning to understand that, too. But I also know that if I'm not cautious and careful for myself, no one else is going to be. Nobody knows how it feels. No one experiences the searing pain when I want to crawl out of my skin. No one knows the wrench in my gut because the grief is so gripping. No one understands the buzz of voices that run in my brain so loudly that I can't even hear myself think. No one gets it. Or least very few people do.

If you find yourself recognizing any of this in your own self, start looking into empaths; because maybe you are one. And if you're recognizing these patterns in someone you love, maybe they are one. It can be very difficult to stay steady.  If you're an empath, you may find you have many friends, many people who care and love and even adore you. And you probably don't even understand why. Learn to communicate when things hurt too much. Learn to explain why you feel the need to check out. People take that stuff personally. I get it. I'm just not very good at explaining it to those in my life.