The Letter F #atozblogchallenge

F is for…

Fear and freedom.

They kind of go hand in hand.

They also are closely aligned with faith.

Once upon a time, when I was a "good woman", when I conformed to my community’s standards, before I painted my door purple and cut my hair and threw away all my skirts… I was fearful. The thing that kept me so controlled and anxious was my faith. My beliefs were very patriarchal and male driven. As a woman, I was to be silent, subservient and submissive. Being a strong and “bossy” female, I was accused of being controlling. I was only trying to help everyone to conform as well I did. However, all I was really doing was keeping up appearances.

When my faith began to crumble due to failing to stand up to scrutiny, I began to feel a freedom, as I never had. When the threat of hell and the fear of “God’s” disapproval began to diminish, I realized I was a good person without that threat. I was a moral and kind and generous person. Nothing about me had changed. But the weight of the fear and shame began to lift.

Faith, for me, is about creating a lifestyle of peace, meditation and ritual. I have touchstones in my life that help me to travel through the year. I take time, when I am able, to recognize and slow down for times, like the new and full moon.  I like to light a fire, play music, maybe dance, set intentions and reflect on what just passed or what is to come.