F is for…
Fear and freedom.
They kind of go hand in hand.
They also are closely aligned with faith.
Once upon a time, when I was a "good woman", when I conformed
to my community’s standards, before I painted my door purple and cut my hair
and threw away all my skirts… I was fearful. The thing that kept me so
controlled and anxious was my faith. My beliefs were very patriarchal and male
driven. As a woman, I was to be silent, subservient and submissive. Being a
strong and “bossy” female, I was accused of being controlling. I was only trying to help everyone to
conform as well I did. However, all I was really doing was keeping up appearances.
When my faith began to crumble due to failing to stand up to
scrutiny, I began to feel a freedom, as I never had. When the threat of hell
and the fear of “God’s” disapproval began to diminish, I realized I was a good
person without that threat. I was a moral and kind and generous person. Nothing
about me had changed. But the weight of the fear and shame began to lift.
Faith, for me, is about creating a lifestyle of peace,
meditation and ritual. I have touchstones in my life that help me to travel
through the year. I take time, when I am able, to recognize and slow down for times, like the new and full moon. I like to
light a fire, play music, maybe dance, set intentions and reflect on what
just passed or what is to come.
Posts
