A New Year

So much has happened. Perhaps that story is for another day. Suffice it to say, this evening, I find myself quite... solitary.

I am thusly by my own choices... mostly. But regardless, this evening seems to be the perfect time to have a clean slate.

There is a practice amongst some pagans whereby they study for a year and a day before they are rightly initiated into certain traditions. As I have not found a group, I am a solitary practitioner. I have been a solitary practitioner of sorts since August 2010. I still have the note I made to myself the year I committed to giving myself a year and a day to sort through my former practices. I found them mostly easy to discard as they had become burdensome and toxic. The year was more a time of unravelling and deconstructing.

In the following years, I found small ways to begin following my pagan leanings. Mostly, my practices involved watching the moon and being aware of her phases. I would cast my wishes into a fire, set intentions, pray and sing and dance beneath her light. I became free to stand in my own intuitive beliefs.

This evening of new moon and thinning veil, I wish to dig deeper. I am reading through two books to assist me in my study. A year and a day to study more deeply, more earnestly. To find my weekly and monthly practices.

One of the lessons is to consider a list of words:
wicca
witchcraft
power
ritual
occult
pagan
spell
earth religion

I confess, I find myself comfortable reading about them and writing about them behind the privacy of my laptop. But I don't engage in daily conversations where these words are part of my normal vernacular. Why? Fear of negative reactions of others? Oh yeah!!

As I have studied, I come more and more to believe in a kind of magic. Not in some hocus pocus way. I find magic to be more of the change in me. It is as if I am more energetically connected to the Universe. Unfortunately, I don't always trust my intuition. Or maybe I just don't listen to it. The magic is when I do pay attention. Things happen. Are they coincidences?? I don't think so. I think it is more like Jung says... synchronicity. It is like being tuned in. When the Universe sends the message, it is important to be aware of it. Then when things come into our paths that we were already aware of, we are ready. It seems coincidental, but really, we were just tuned in.

I mention synchronicity because all the things that are coming together right now in my life seem heavy. But perhaps it is the right time for a clean slate. How appropriate is it that I find myself at this eve of a new year (according to pagan calendars) relationally free? And even more so that I took the initiative in each situation. Some, I may have dwelled in too long. Emotionally, I may have a harder time disconnecting from others. But I did not leave the ideas hanging... waiting... open ended. I closed the doors. And how interesting is it, as I think upon it, that there were three endings within a week? A trifecta. That is my sign. It is the smallest of nudges in my spirit that helps me to know this is the right path. A breadcrumb. A reminder. A cairn in my spiral path reminding me that this is the way.

As I sign off, this hallowed evening, I offer this prayer:

Ode to the Full Moon and Summer Time

Stonehenge: wikipedia

On Tuesday evening (6/21), I carved out a little time for my full moon ritual. It was also Litha or summer solstice. Even more reason for me to acknowledge the calendar.

The thing I love about mish-mashing my way through these times is that I can make them as elaborate or as simple as I like. Tuesday was simple, but meaningful. And powerful. I would have loved doing this outside, but it wasn't going to happen... heat, humidity, haze... not a great view of the beautiful moon. And I live underneath a bunch of 100 year old trees so it is late in the evening before I see her rise. This evening, I held my ritual inside.

I gathered my tools first...

matches

candle 

(I recently purchased a small while pillar candle for this evening)

white sage

incense

(my favorites are dragon's blood and nag champa)

slips of paper

pen

fireproof bowl

I settled in front of my altar. I smudged the area and all the tools I would be using. I started off by thinking about what things I needed to release or what behaviors needed changing. These full moon rituals are like a small New Year's resolutions. Each month, I get to purge energy that is dragging me down. I wrote the things that came to mind on my slips of paper.

I arranged my altar with things that are meaningful for me. Shells, ocean water, selenite, a large shell that holds the sage, sage, candles. 

One by one, I read my slips of paper out loud... "I release this... Be gone!" One by one, I placed the strips into my bowl and set them on fire. 

When each slip of paper had been reduced to ashes, I thanked the Moon and the power and energy that surrounds this kind of evening and welcomed the summer. This was my ritual.

Each one of us can find a meaningful way to mark the sabbats and esbats. The rules, for me, are meaningless. I try to create a template and then fill it in, depending on the time and setting. It takes the stress out of the planning and makes if feel free rather than restrictive.  

If someone tries to tell you... "You need to do it precisely this way or else"... just smile and walk away. 

If you are mish-mashing your way through this journey, creating a new path, I hope you will share your thoughts with me. 

Ritual #atozblogchallenge

Submerged in the water, she imagined the details and drags of the day washing off.

Cleanse me. Prepare me

Stepping out, she wrapped herself in a dark robe, combed her long, wet hair, closed her eyes and again…

Prepare me.

These evenings were always high days for her. She made ready for days before. Tonight, the phone was off. The kids were at their dad’s house.

She peeked out the window.

Just you and me.

Walking into the garden, she saw all of her items in their places.

Candles

Sage

Matches

Wine

Chocolate

Pillows

Blanket

The fire pit had been set up earlier in the day. All she needed was to light it and it would blaze. She had become skilled at building a fire and was sure it would dance for her easily.

She looked up.

Good evening Mother Moon. I am here.

After walking her circle and lighting each candle, she lit the sage, bathing herself in the smoke as she walked around her circle a second time.

Mother Moon

Shine down on me

I’ve secrets to tell you

I’ve burdens to cast off

Bathe me in your light

As I release all that no longer

Serves me well

Her words but not her words. She never knew where the words came from. They felt ancient, almost like scripture, sacred.

The small sprig of sage still smoked. She lit it again, so that it was a small flame and used this to start her fire.

It was sure and true, lighting up and sending sparks flying into the night sky.

Before dropping her robe, she pulled small slips of paper out of the pocket. She was now skyclad. The privacy was a blessing. She could hear drumming, but it was from within her.

Please release me

From all things worldly

That do not serve me

Mother Love me*

The slips of paper were her burdens… things she had no power over and things she wanted to no longer have a hold on her.

After reading each slip, she would toss it into the blaze.

After each slip was released, she walked her circle once more.

I’m gonna break

These chains that bind*

She found her robe and snuggled into her pillows that she had nested on a blanket by the fire. The wine and chocolate were there also.

The moon watched as she thought about the positive days ahead, how she would feel, now that she had mentally let go of the things she could not control. She imagined new actions, positive thoughts and the words that she could use in the coming days. Like a daydream, she saw the scenes play out in her mind.

She slept that night, as the moon rose and the fire died.

*words from Kellianna’s Stonehenge, one of my favorite ritual songs/chants.

Kali #atozblogchallenge

Kali has always been my favorite goddess. I think she is completely misunderstood. Yes, she is the goddess of destruction...


But here is the rest of the story. The demon, Raktabija, was terrorizing the people. And whenever a drop of his blood was shed, another demon appeared. There were so many... A super goddess was needed to defeat them. All of their forces combined to create Kali, the dark mother, who defeated all the demons by swallowing them whole and then chopped off Raktabija's head and drank all his blood.

Awesome!!

 

Crescent #atozblogchallenge

C is for Crescent in the 3rd of 26 installments of the A to Z Blog Challenge.

I love the moon and all her phases. But my favorite phase is when she is in her crescent phase. Waning or waxing... although you get a better chance of seeing the waxing moon as it will set after the sun in the evening. The waning crescent, which you may get one last glimpse of in the morning, rises before the sun.

The waning moon is sometimes referred to as the old moon. The next phase is the new moon which is when the moon age starts. The waxing crescent is referred to as a young moon.

If you follow the moon cycles, the days of the waning moon are good for contemplating things that are no longer serving you well, releasing and surrendering, preparing for the darkness. The waxing moon is for new beginnings and ideas. But every night is a marvelous night to love and play under the moon and her many phases.

The Moon in My Eyes

Last night, as I was drifting off to sleep, a light peeped through my blinds. It was the moon. She does that occasionally. She peeks in and winks at me. I feel a bit like the little gray bunny in the great green room when I whisper, "Good night, Moon".

Recently, a friend said I was moon sensitive. I really liked that. I think maybe I always have been.

The moon and I now play a dance as old as time. I follow her around. Sometimes, when it's warm, I go outside and sit under her light. And I make wishes. Set intentions, if you will.

It's always a marvelous night for a Moondance.