I've done it. I've gotten to the end of this blog challenge. I managed to get every letter, even though I was late with some posts. But I finished it out.
I'm ending with "zen" and some quotes to help find that place, that space, the quiet, the altar where we meet ourselves.
“Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves - slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh
“Letting go is the lesson. Letting go is always the lesson. Have you ever noticed how much of our agony is all tied up with craving and loss?”
― Susan Gordon Lydon
“Not thinking about anything is Zen. Once you know this, walking, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is Zen.”
― Bodhidharma
“Who we are now is all that really matters.”
― Amy Joy
“You don't think your way back to joy; you open to it.”
We are so afraid of the one who will speak up and speak out
and look different and be different and sound different and worship differently
and love differently.
Wars are started because we will not be tolerant of others
differences.
Riots break out because we are not happy when someone wants
the same rights as us…
When they do it, it looks odd.
The Baptist are afraid of the Pentecostals.
Christians are afraid of Muslims.
Whites and blacks… and browns.
They
have a funny accent.
Can’t
they just speak English?
It
makes me uncomfortable to see public displays of affection in public.
And
my children are watching for gods sake!
The truth is that we all come in the same place.
We all die and go into the ground.
We all bleed the same blood!
We cry the same salty bitter tears.
We are the same… in so many more ways than we are different.
I have a friend… No really an acquaintance. I like to think
of her is my nemesis, even though I'm told I'm too old to have a nemesis!!
Never!
At one time we thought similarly.
But as I've aged and my children have pushed me beyond
boundaries I never thought I'd see and after I faced ostracization and shunning
from a community that was supposed to be loving… I have changed the way I see
people.
I don't have a lot of patience with narrow minded views. I
see them as bigots. As homophobic and as racist.
Those are harsh accusations. And I standby them because of
the actions I've seen. But in reality I have tried to become more tolerant
towards them, because I see them as ignorant.
Ignorant
[ig-ner-uh nt]
adjective
1.lacking in knowledge or training; unlearned:
an ignorant man.
2.lacking knowledge or information as to a particular subject or fact:
ignorant of quantum physics.
3.uninformed; unaware.
4.due to or showing lack of knowledge or training:
an ignorant statement.
Ignorance can be fixed.
With education and communication.
And patience.
No, I don't claim to be enlightened. Life experiences have
changed me.
Hard questions that could no longer be answered from my
belief system.
Doubt which led to personal research.
History that became tradition and mythology rather than fact.
Falling in love with people who were … different.
I'm still ignorant. But my mind and heart are open to people.
My theory is that all the things that we see and even things that we cannot see are made up of energy. And that all of this energy is somehow connected. My theory is that the universe and all that is in it is a type of organism. And when any part of the organism suffers then it affects the other parts. It might not always affect the whole drastically, in a way that you can see. For example; when we know that the rain forest is being depleted, we don't necessarily see immediate impact on us here in the states. But we are impacted.
My theory has been put to a serious test of late, on a couple of accounts.
Lately, I feel like I am bleeding friends. And family.
As a part of this organism in this present universe, this loss has affected me, yet I guess I am such a minute part that the over all affect is barely perceptible. It causes me to wonder at my own ability to perceive the pain and sadness in others, even as an intuitive and empathetic person.
I have a friend who says he asks the Universe for what he wants. He projects that desire and that energy out. I have another friend who has these dreams that feel like energetic universal connections. It's as if the people in his dreams are sending signals. Or maybe his dreams are signals he's sending.
I know this half baked theory of mine is really only part of a true theory. Only I'm trying to develop my way to it rather than read a book and follow some guru. So for now, the idea of universal energy and connectedness is very mystical and magical for me. And is something I daydream about.
We say, “Yes, I can do that for you.”
We say, “Thank you, I love it.”
We say, “Oh, it's no trouble.”
The truth is in the tears you cry before you get out of bed in the morning.
The truth is the avoidance you do because you just don't have an answer.
The truth is you are just way too tired to do one more thing and even though it sounds like fun you just can't.
The truth is that your fear is bigger than the desire.
Truth is rarely ever what we say.
Like rose-colored glasses, our words are our attempts to make everything sound so much better than what it really is.
Submerged in the water, she imagined the details and drags of the day washing off.
Cleanse me. Prepare me
Stepping out, she wrapped herself in a dark robe, combed her
long, wet hair, closed her eyes and again…
Prepare me.
These evenings were always high days for her. She made ready
for days before. Tonight, the phone was off. The kids were at their dad’s
house.
She peeked out the window.
Just you and me.
Walking into the garden, she saw all of her items in their
places.
Candles
Sage
Matches
Wine
Chocolate
Pillows
Blanket
The fire pit had been set up earlier in the day. All she
needed was to light it and it would blaze. She had become skilled at building a
fire and was sure it would dance for her easily.
She looked up.
Good evening Mother Moon. I
am here.
After walking her circle and lighting each candle, she lit
the sage, bathing herself in the smoke as she walked around her circle a second
time.
Mother Moon
Shine down on me
I’ve secrets to tell
you
I’ve burdens to cast
off
Bathe me in your light
As I release all that
no longer
Serves me well
Her words but not her words. She never knew where the words
came from. They felt ancient, almost like scripture, sacred.
The small sprig of sage still smoked. She lit it again, so
that it was a small flame and used this to start her fire.
It was sure and true, lighting up and sending sparks flying
into the night sky.
Before dropping her robe, she pulled small slips of paper
out of the pocket. She was now skyclad. The privacy was a blessing. She could hear
drumming, but it was from within her.
Please release me
From all things
worldly
That do not serve me
Mother Love me*
The slips of paper were her burdens… things she had no power
over and things she wanted to no longer have a hold on her.
After reading each slip, she would toss it into the blaze.
After each slip was released, she walked her circle once more.
I’m gonna break
These chains that
bind*
She found her robe and
snuggled into her pillows that she had nested on a blanket by the fire. The
wine and chocolate were there also.
The moon watched as she thought about the positive
days ahead, how she would feel, now that she had mentally let go of the things
she could not control. She imagined new actions, positive thoughts and the
words that she could use in the coming days. Like a daydream, she saw the
scenes play out in her mind.
She slept that night, as the moon rose and the fire died.
*words from Kellianna’s
Stonehenge, one of my favorite ritual songs/chants.
There are people, men and women, mostly because of their own fears and insecurities, who don't like the idea of a matriarchy. I've heard people talk as if women just want power in order to subjugate men. Feminism is threatening. Of course it is... if you are afraid of being treated the way history has treated the other!!
But matriarchy isn't like that.
Chess is a perfect example of male and female power. In chess, the King is the highest and most valuable piece. But the most powerful piece is the Queen. She can move in any direction and as move as far as she wants. And like all the other pieces, it is her sole mission to protect her King.
In the tarot, the Queen represents the emotional center for the suit she is in. The Queen is the heart. When she shows up in a spread, she can represent fertility, sexuality, nurturing and other aspects of feminine energy.
But like every good partnership, she works best when she is found with a King or a Knight. Love and excitement are in the air when they are close. But be cautious when the Page shows up, because a Queen should never lose her heart to a knave.
I mostly relate to the Queen of Cups. She is closely connected to the ocean and the moon and how they interact with one another. She is deeply intuitive, able to know secrets that no one else knows. She is an excellent listener and people automatically pour their hearts out to her. When she shows up in a spread, reversed, it can indicate deep melancholy, heartbreak. She can be withdrawn and aloof when feeling overwhelmed or hurt.
Feminism is about good partnerships. Matriarchy is about protecting the family. Queens protect the King/Kingdom. As women, it is time to stop being afraid of our "Queen". It is time to find strength in our femininity. The way we interact with the world, through emotion or intuition or feelings, isn't wrong. It is different that the masculine way of interacting. But necessary and needed.
Patriarchy is the idea that families and societies are ruled by fathers, grandfathers and males.
In marriages and families, the wife and the children assume the name of the husband and father. Earlier in our own American history, if you were a woman, you would not have even been allowed to own property. Your father or your husband would own the property and you would pretty much be at their mercy. Daughters were usually a burden. If they could not be married off, they would become a drain on the family. Daughters were a liability rather than an asset. Sons, however, were a blessing. They could work. They could become apprentices. They could own businesses. They could take over the family business. And if something happened to the father, the mother and any unmarried daughters would became the responsibility of the brothers... at best.
I'm in a bit of a transition. Personally.
I'm close to the point where I can legally resume my maiden name. The name that I assumed as a younger woman, the name that belonged to my husband, I can legally divest myself of it. But for what purpose? At that point, I become my father's daughter again, because the name I would go back to belongs to my father.
I considered assuming my mothers maiden name. But her name belonged to her father. I don't know why this makes me so angry... maybe because I feel like, as women, we have never owned ourselves. I will never have the option of reclaiming the identity of my matriarchs. My grandmother, my great-grandmother... all their names belonged to husbands or fathers. I don't even know how to reclaim their identity.
Patriarchy named me Lail. Then it named me Caldwell.
Things we don't think about, and sometimes avoid or neglect. When we do, they can fall into disrepair or we can become estranged. It is always difficult to regain lost ground, but no attempt means you've given up.
Transition is always hard. Like the threshold between where you have been and where you want to be. It is a grey area because you aren't sure what it is yet. Liminal Spaces.
When one finds herself in a liminal space, it can feel scary and exciting. It seems like there is a forever wait, floating, hovering... between the structure of what is known, whether stifling or not, and something out there and uncertain. Rest, but be ready. It's almost time.
Kali has always been my favorite goddess. I think she is completely misunderstood. Yes, she is the goddess of destruction...
But here is the rest of the story. The demon, Raktabija, was terrorizing the people. And whenever a drop of his blood was shed, another demon appeared. There were so many... A super goddess was needed to defeat them. All of their forces combined to create Kali, the dark mother, who defeated all the demons by swallowing them whole and then chopped off Raktabija's head and drank all his blood.
Carl Jung is so fascinating to me. Many of his ideas are familiar yet there was no way I could have known them before I began studying him.
Synchronicity is an idea that Jung talks about. Have you ever thought of someone and then run into them soon after?? Or sang a tune in your head and have it come up on the playlist or radio? That's kind of how synchronicity works.
Another idea that is from Jung is archetypes. My explaination of archetypes are the patterns we recognize. Jung spoke of of a "collective consciousness"; memories and experiences that are shared in the subconsciousness of a race or culture. He used that idea to explain why we tend to see history, literature, lives repeat certain patterns.
There were too many words for I... So I went for the easy reach and chose "Inspiration"... well mostly because I am behind and I want to get words out and I want to get "I" checked off...
Other "I" words that I could have used... Invoke and Intention... These are definitely topics for a future blogpost.
It's been awhile since I've blogged, so I still feel very sluggish in my writing. But I know the only thing to get over that is to "Sit the hell down and write" as Patty Digh would say. So... here I sit.
I was inspired to begin this blog by another blogger who is an artist and a writer (check out those links). His stories are funny and real and heartbreaking. And every day, I can expect to get a nudge from him... "Loved your H and I posts"... Hint, hint!! But it is what I need... Someone who listens to me speak my dreams and then expects me to follow through on them.
If you don't have one of those... find one.
I am also inspired by this thing that tugs at me and pulls me... this goddessy-woo-woo-mystical stuff that drags me underneath the moon and urges me to build a fire and makes me want to sing and even howl!! I'm trying to figure out who she is. I feel like she is mother, sister, daughter all rolled into one. She needs me. I need Her. I am HER! My postings here will lean towards the "woo woo" as I explore and walk this path.
I've even recently been inspired enough to share a secret that only one or two people knew previously... but they are not in my sphere right now. So I trepidatiously shared with one or two others. I want to create a local space where others can gather and find resources and where they can share their ideas and find community. This will more than likely end up being a retail type space, but something that has always stayed with me since my days in the "Emerging Conversation" (that I got involved with about 10 years ago or so) is the idea of "3rd Spaces". I want to create a space like one I am searching for:
a place outside of work and home
a place where conversations happen
a place where you can share a bottle of wine or a pitcher of beer
a place to gather as a group and go walk or do yoga
a place where you find kindreds who want to give back to the community
a place where you find people deconstructing and reconstructing ideas and projects.
a place where you can find resources and neighbors that can assist you on your path.
I want a space like that. I want to create a space like that.
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